My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
