the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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