Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
