On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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