I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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