I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I deserve this hangover.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
