Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
