i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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