drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
