You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
