Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
