he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
