Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
