yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
