at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
