so explain again why im purple
no
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize