We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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