like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
