dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
