Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
