Your tits are I can't wait for
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
