she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
