Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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