I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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