who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
