Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize