I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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