Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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