whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
