Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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