well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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