Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
