The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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