I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
