i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
