I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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