Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
