I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
