Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So squirting runs in the family.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
