i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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