I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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