why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
