hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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