LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
