We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
