My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
time to smoke my breakfast
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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