the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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