So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My ATM looks so different sober.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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