Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
