So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
