my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Randomize
