i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
