He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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