My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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