remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
