I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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