i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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