I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
