I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize