You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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