I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
