and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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