I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
