This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
