I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
