Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
