I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
