11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
