It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
