this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
