so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
