You just made me feel so damn special
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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