I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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