If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
