am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
