I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
